What If?
by The Needless Lobsters
Summary: Sometimes we mortals find ourselves thinking: What if? What if we did this? What if we didn't do that? What would have happened? And demigods... well, they are no different. In fact, in some ways, it's worse for them. Rated T because I'm not so sure it's safe, so just in case.


**Hello, guys! It's me, AJ, and it's been aaaaages! I've been really busy recently, and I'm sorry that I haven't been writing as much recently. I'm trying to get back into it, though, and once I have I'll get back to writing those stories that I haven't been keeping up with, and maybe some new ones? Anyway, to get myself back into writing, I wrote this kinda feelsy thing that has been on my mind ever since I read this post about Octavian and made a friend. It kinda brought to question Octavian's role in the whole thing and his ending, which I realised was... a little empty? Ah well, some of you would probably beg to differ. This was actually written _for_ that friend, because they inspired me to write it, and I've received the permission to post it, so here it is! I hope you guys like it!**

 **UPDATE (05/03/2016): So I kind of edited through the story a little bit, and added tiny bits to it. Not much but... eh. Some more detail, I suppose. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy the story!**

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 _Sometimes we mortals find ourselves thinking: What if? What if we did this? What if we didn't do that? What would have happened? And demigods... well, they are no different. In fact, in some ways, it's worse for them._

Nico di Angelo never really bothered much when people died. After all, death was death; it had to happen sometime. He had no control over it – it was Thanatos who chose when he would come and take the soul, and that was it. Sometimes (more often than Nico would like to admit, actually), it was the idiots that killed themselves, and then their souls skipped off to Charon on their own, with no pushing from the god of death himself. It was a natural process that had been happening for aeons – ever since the creation of life. People were born, people lives, people died.

Nico just so happened to be a son of Hades, a demigod who could feel the deaths of the people around him – feel the life forces draining away until there was nothing left, see the souls pulling themselves out of the bodies until they were free to roam, realize what was happening before anyone else _could_ … _see_ that someone was going to die, right before they did.

But there were some times where the death mattered that little bit more to Nico. Where it was the death of someone a little too close to him, and their death had a bigger impact on his life than anticipated. Those were the times where he would feel the effect of death the most, where the death would affect him right down to the core and leave him reeling.

Like the death of Bianca. That had crippled him, sent him on the run from the only people who had ever tried to help him. The death of his mother, Maria, wasn't even something he really remembered, and yet… to have had that memory wiped meant that it had a huge impact on his life.

The death of _Leo_ … to destroy Gaia… someone who'd died a hero… that one had hurt. A lot. Granted, he hadn't been all too close to the demigod himself, but he'd felt it.

But then… there was the one death he'd watched… the one that he hadn't even tried to prevent…

 _Octavian_.

He could still remember that day, as if it were only yesterday that Gaia was trying to destroy civilisation, when in reality it was a good few months ago now, maybe even more. The blonde augur, determined to destroy the Greeks, because he felt it was "right" in the eyes of the gods. Not the Greek gods, mind you, but the Roman gods. Someone who was willing to wipe out a whole _race_ of demigods, and just because he thought that the gods would like that. Of course, Nico wouldn't exactly put it past the gods to wipe out someone that they didn't like, but still. _All_ of the Greeks?

The half-crazed look in his eyes as he'd loaded as much Imperial Gold into that onager as he could handle – so much that the gold around his neck was even starting to sizzle – still freaked Nico out to this day. _And yet, he hadn't noticed the smoke coming from his shirt?_ And then… then he'd accused himself and Will of trying to steal his glory…

Of course he'd let a guy like that die. He'd wanted to kill innocent demigods, for Zeus' sake! If it were a mortal, other mortals would have done the same thing!

But did that mean he'd _deserved_ to die? There were demigods in Hades' kingdom who had been killed for far less, after all. Demigods who had only wanted to kill others for killing's sake had been trialled and killed for what they'd done, and Octavian had died wanting to protect the "honour" of Rome. Were those _really_ comparable? Well, it wasn't exactly fair to compare them, was it? One was a criminal, and one was an augur that most demigods simply didn't like. He couldn't say that they were the _same_ …

" _ **You've gone soft**_."

Nico turned sharply at the sound of the voice, and he froze at what he saw. The familiar wiry blonde hair, the clear, almost grey-blue eyes (without the smidge of crazy in it), the skinny body, the almost _permanent_ sneer on his face…

"Oc- _Octavian_?"

The augur scoffed at Nico's apparent shock, folding his arms tightly at the sight of the Greek demigod and sneering a little again. " _Graecus_ ," he practically spat.

Nico's defences slid up at that, and he pursed his lips, narrowing his eyes ever so slightly at the other male. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"What do you mean, _what am I doing here_?" he asked with a glare, sounding a little incredulous. "I can go wherever I please! _No one_ can tell me what to do!"

The slight scowl on Nico's face melted away into the smallest of smirks, and he scoffed. "Is that so?"

"Of course it's so! Apart from, maybe, the gods."

The son of Hades had to roll his eyes at that. _The gods, the gods, the gods… always the gods…_ His mind suddenly clicked back to what Octavian had said the moment he'd appeared in the room and how he'd been alerted to the augur's presence in the first place, and he scowled at legacy of Apollo darkly. "Wait a second… what do you mean, I've gone _soft_?" he suddenly demanded.

"You were _pitying_ me!" The augur suddenly looked angry, his nostrils flaring as his arms unfolded to rest at his sides, his fists clenching. "How _dare_ you pity someone so _great_ in Rome?!" The look of anger was replaced by one of extreme pride as he spoke on. " _I_ was chosen by the gods! A messenger to the people! _My family_ are powerful in New Rome!" As he focused on Nico again, he looked angry once more. "And yet, you have the _nerve_ to feel as if you are so _above me_ that you can _look down_ on me and _pity_ me?! Dear gods, this will be the last time you ever think about doing—"

"So suddenly it's wrong to feel _sorry_ for someone?" Nico snapped, shutting the other guy up. When Octavian didn't speak, he continued. "Is it really so wrong for me to realise that I _might_ understand how you felt? The pain you went through? How it feels to be an outcast among the people you should really be _fitting in with_?!"

Octavian's eyes narrowed to slits at that, and his jaw clenched at what was obviously a sore spot for him. "And how would _you_ know, _Graecus_?"

Nico scoffed, folding his arms defensively as he matched Octavian's glare. "I'm a son of _Hades_ , lord of the freaking _Underworld_ – he's the least liked of all of the gods, save for Thanatos or, gods forbid, _Hera_ at the moment. I pretty much _know_ how it feels to be left out among the only ones you can fit in with, to be thought of as a creep, as _different_."

The look Octavian was giving disappeared from his face. "How could _you_ , a _demigod_ , blessed with strengths and powers over your father's domain that most demigods and legacies could only _wish_ for, ever be compared to me, a lowly _legacy_ of Apollo with no powers other than the faintest hint prophecy?" Octavian didn't look angry any more – he looked confused; maybe a little hurt, but mostly confused.

"Because beneath all of the powers, we're practically the same – we've both been rejected. For the sake of the gods, Adolf Hitler was my _brother_ , and he was the _enemy_ in World War Two. You and I, we're both related to gods – you to the light, and I to the darkness – but we don't really… _benefit_ from it by social standards." Nico folded his arms and stood up straight, trying to make himself seem bigger and tougher than he usually seemed.

Octavian's nose wrinkled a little, almost into a sneer again. "Oh please; at least I don't stink of _Graecus_."

Nico sighed, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose in irritation. "You know, you almost seemed human until you started calling me a _Graecus_ again."

"I am only calling you what you really are."

"No, you're not. I'm a _demigod_ – a direct descendant of the gods. Whether I'm Greek or Roman doesn't matter." His eyes narrowed a little. " _Technically_ , I'm on the same level as Jason. If you want to call me what I _really_ am, call me 'King of the Ghosts' or 'Ambassador of Hades' or something like that. Something that I _actually_ am."

The augur hesitated for a moment, absorbing this new information he was being fed, before a small smirk appeared on his face. Not the menacing smirk that came on his face every time he was plotting something – it was one that (clearly) he shared with friends and those he absolutely trusted. In other words, very, _very_ few people.

" _King of the Ghosts_?" he repeated.

Nico rolled his eyes at the augur. Of all of the things he picked out… "It wasn't my idea, okay. It was the ghosts'."

"Why in Jupiter's name would they ever call you that?"

"Beats me." Nico shrugged. "I do get them McDonald's Happy Meals when I do my whole bringing back ghosts ritual, though, so it might just be their way of being grateful that they got food?"

"At least they are grateful." The blonde scowled. "More grateful than those blasted _Lares_."

Nico cracked a grin. "You got that right."

" _Nico_?"

Nico turned his head towards the voice, which came from the (now open) door of his cabin. Will Solace, the blonde haired, blue eyed son of Apollo, stood in the open doorway, looking a little confused (and maybe concerned as well? Nico wasn't quite sure – he wasn't that great at reading expressions yet) as he watched Nico, his eyebrows seemingly being unable to decide between furrowing or doing that one-raised-in-a-confused-manner thing.

Nico gave a nervous, kind of awkward, laugh as he turned to face the other male fully. "Hey, Will…" he greeted quietly, his eyes shifting do to stare at his feet, which had suddenly become _very_ interesting.

Will seemed to hesitate before walking further into the room, moving slowly. "Um… Nico…" His eyes darted around the room for a few moments, before he came to a stop in the middle of the cabin, not too far from where Nico stood.

Nico could feel the nerves coming off Will in waves, and he moved his gaze from his feet and looked up at the other male, an eyebrow raised. "What is it?" he asked slowly.

Will hesitated again, seeming to contemplate how to say what he wanted to, before finally just opening his mouth and speaking.

"Who were you talking to?"

Nico frowned ever so slightly, not exactly understanding why Will was asking. Okay… so maybe it wasn't _best_ that he told Will that he was talking to _Octavian_ , of all people, but… he'd understand, right? After all, he knew that Nico could really talk to anyone if he wanted to, and Octavian wasn't really as terrible as he seemed…

"Uh, I was talking to Octavian."

He definitely didn't expect the wide eyed and very confused (his jaw had dropped – maybe he was shocked…) look that he received.

"Nico… there's no one _there_."

"But—" Nico turned to look at who he'd been talking to, and froze, his face paling even more than it usually was (which was an achievement, to be honest). There was no one, _nothing_ , there. Not even a ghost – and even _that_ would have been better than nothing. And when Nico had seen Octavian… he'd looked… _alive_ …

"Nico…?" Will asked slowly, taking a careful step towards the demigod. At the lack of response, he continued, taking another careful step. "Nico, it's not your—"

" _Don't_ say it," the son of Hades snapped, his mood suddenly swinging from terrified and confused to angry with himself as his fists clenched and he stormed past Will, out of the cabin. Because he was pretty sure if he'd stayed in there, he'd have broken a good couple of things in fury. For letting himself actually feel guilty about letting Octavian die. But for also _letting_ Octavian die.

Because to be honest, he didn't know what would have happened if he hadn't.

 _And sometimes, when we wonder 'What if…?', we realise that we aren't exactly dealing so well with what we've really been given…_

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 **So, that's it! It's probably not as great as it could be, but... I hope you guys liked it! Please review!**


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